before the kiss.

Pictured above: last night.

Our first date was on the evening of January 25th, 2000. Ben called me a couple days earlier asking if I would like to go with him to the opera "La Traviata". At this point I was also casually dating someone else and wasn't serious about getting into a relationship with him or anyone else for that matter. I was bound and determined to have fun dating and not worry about marriage for a long time. In my nineteen year old mind, I was too young for any such life-altering decisions for the next ten years. I already adopted a new religion the year before, that was enough drastic change for awhile. Ironically, the title "La Traviata" means literally The Woman Who Strayed, or perhaps more figuratively, The Fallen One. I should have known. It was an omen of sorts.

After the opera was over we walked around the HVAC building at BYU looking at the art installations. He was very quiet. I was trying to start conversation here and there but, we didn't really click. Okay, done. We both felt the same way.

Fast forward through lots of hanging out with each other, bringing me potted violets on my 20th birthday, smart and flirty emails, taking a Presidents weekend road trip to L.A. with many of our friends, and another long road trip to Clovis at the beginning of March when my friend Erin was getting baptized. During this trip we found ourselves visiting with my good friend Brock (Erin's then boyfriend now husband) at his apartment. Brock noticed that Ben and I were snuggled up close together and that we were holding hands. It was the first time we held hands and could not have been more awkward when Brock said something like "So, are you guys like a thing?" we look at each other in silence, reddening faces..."Oh, maybe you haven't had that discussion yet? Sorry..."

At that point it had been six weeks since our first date. I like him. He likes me. We can talk endlessly and find ways to see each other almost everyday. We drive back to Provo without a determine-the-relationship talk. It was still just fun and I wanted it to stay that way.

The next weekend we drove to Ben's parents home in Denver (third road trip of the month). We had a talk. He asked me how I would feel about being his girlfriend. Obviously, I was in nervous agreement with the idea. Was I breaking my self imposed "no serious relationship" rule? I didn't know this at the time but, he was planning to kiss me over Vail pass with the snow falling and the stars shining. It was a romantic plan. He pulled over to "stretch his legs" and (clueless) I got out of the car and exclaimed "Its freezing, I'm getting back in the car!".

At the end of our weekend we drove back to Provo finding our apartments both empty and lacking the warmth of his car. I missed him. My phone rang a minute later. He was at my doorstep ten minutes later. We went out to dinner and realized that even after spending over 54 hours in a car over the last month we still hadn't gotten bored with each other. Each passing day we became more attached and attracted to each other.

But, even that night...no kiss. Naturally, I was beginning to wonder.